Stop working on yourself as an individual and start working on your relationship as a couple, with the help of the renowned family therapist and bestselling author of The New Rules of Marriage
“A beautiful and important book, particularly for the moment we are in.”—BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, from the foreword
At a time when toxic individualism is rending our society at every level, bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terrence Real sees how it poisons our most intimate relationships in his therapy practice where he works with couples on the brink of disaster. The good news: warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools.
Recent neurobiology shows that the mind exists in a social context, and couples co-regulate one another’s nervous systems. But it’s hard to get that delicate dance right if you, like so many people, grew up without adequate emotional support. The techniques you developed to survive a dysfunctional family as a kid—the very skills that probably bring you success in your career—will torch your personal relationships.
Us is a groundbreaking guide to a new science-backed skillset—one that will allow you to get past your kneejerk reactions and tap into your wiser, more collaborative self. With a novelist’s flair, Real shares the stories of real couples whose relationships have been saved by these skills and pans out to the cultural landscape that reinforce our dysfunction. If you and your partner are backed into separate corners of “you” and “me,” this book will show the way back to “us.” With Us, your real relationship can begin.
“When I need advice, I call Terry Real. His decades of clinical experience, research, and wisdom are invaluable to my patients, colleagues, and friends. Us brings his advice to life. It is the book that we all need to read to create more thriving and intimate connections.”—Esther Perel, New York Times bestselling author and podcast host of Where Should We Begin

“Terry Real is a wise, honest, and charming guide. This book is a roadmap for all of us who seek true intimacy. Real’s approach teaches us how to step outside of the culture of individualism and embrace our interconnectedness. We can use it to heal a single relationship and to shift our collective culture.”—Gwyneth Paltrow, founder and CEO of goop

“Terrence Real’s work is nothing short of miraculous. In his latest book, he delves with precision and wisdom into the dynamics of modern relationships—to yourself, your partner, and society. He offers practical tools to create and sustain healthy self-esteem and true closeness with others. His work has quite simply changed my life. Read this book. It could well change yours.”—Bradley Cooper

“This is really quite a stunning book. With page-turning flair and brilliant insights, Terry Real exposes the hyper-individualism that ruins relationships—and shows us many effective ways to move from ‘me’ to ‘we. ’ A masterpiece from a master psychotherapist.”—Rick Hanson, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness

“Love has the power to hurt us but it also has the power to heal us, and Terry Real shows us how in this revolutionary guide to happy, thriving couplehood. Chock full of wisdom, research, and innovative teachings from his decades of clinical work developing Relational Life Therapy,
Us is the book every human should read in order to truly understand not just their partners, but themselves.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

“Who are we, really? Terry Real offers a way to realize that we are both an internal Me and a relational We.  This is a wonderful, wise, and witty book, consistent with cutting edge science and filled with soul and practical advice that can inspire us to discover who we can become together.”—Daniel J. Siegel, MD, New York Times bestselling author, Aware, Mind, Brainstorm, and IntraConnected, and executive director of Mindsight Institute

“In his previous books, Terry Real awakened us to the fact that most men are not relational. In Us, he not only elaborates on that thesis but, with the writing of a good novelist, brings his approach to transforming men and couples to life. Share this book with your partner and then talk about what it brings up. It may be one of the most painful but also important conversations of your life.”—Richard Schwartz, PhD, developer of the Internal Family Systems model of psychotherapy